


Loki Goes Mad in Cardiff

by Lilithangel



Category: Angel: the Series, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Torchwood
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-21
Updated: 2014-10-21
Packaged: 2018-02-22 00:59:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2488580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilithangel/pseuds/Lilithangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki is having performance issues with his sceptre and Stuttgart would have been a better option.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Loki Goes Mad in Cardiff

**Author's Note:**

> A retelling of the beginning of the Avengers if Loki went to Cardiff to stabilise the Tesseract with Rift energy instead of going to Stuttgart to steal iridium, in an alternate Torchwood that Spike joined and got close to zombie Owen.

“Why the hell would Loki go to Wales?” Nick Fury demanded.

“The anomaly,” Maria said.

“What would he want with the goddamn anomaly?”

“What anomaly?” Tony said.

“There is a spatial temporal anomaly running through Cardiff,” Natasha answered.

“You’re trying to tell us Cardiff has a rip in space and time,” Tony said with a scoff.

“Clint did the investigation,” Coulson added, “whatever the anomaly is it is expelling enormous amounts of energy.”

“He’s going to juice up the Tesseract,” Tony said.

“Or stabilise it,” Coulson said.

“In goddamn Cardiff,” Fury said.

“Why would SHIELD leave a source of energy like that lying around unattended?” Tony said.

“Another agency has jurisdiction,” Phil said. “Torchwood.”

“I want you three on a quinjet and in Cardiff before Loki causes any more trouble and before Jack damn Harkness gets involved,” Fury ordered.

“Who’s Jack damn Harkness?” Tony said as Fury swept out.

“Get to Cardiff, stop Loki and pray you never find out,” Phil replied before he followed Fury.

In the quinjet Tony attempted to find out more about Jack Harkness. “The only reference I can find is someone from your time Cap.”

“Captain Jack Harkness? I knew a Jack Harkness in the war,” Steve said.

“Well Jack damn Harkness can’t be the same man so he’s some sort of secret agent type. I’ll just have to dig deeper on this Torchwood… hello who have we here… oh you sexy thing you.” Tony’s gaze sharpened to predatory. “JARVIS I’m going to need you on this, it will be a pleasure to break into this gorgeous creature.”

“Computer technology,” Natasha explained to Steve who looked confused by Tony’s behaviour.

Tony looked up and grinned. “Sorry to disappoint Cap, I’m not arranging a threesome. This Torchwood crowd has pretty amazing firewalls, almost as good as mine, but luckily nothing beats JARVIS and me.”

“This interface is very different,” JARVIS said through the tablet speakers.

“I knew you’d be interested,” Tony crowed.

* * * * *

A vampire and a zombie walked into a bar and nobody noticed. Well some did because the vampire and the zombie were well known in the bar even if nobody knew they were a vampire and a zombie respectively (at best people thought they were attractive if trouble magnet Englishmen, at worst belligerent arseholes who didn’t know when to shut up).

Despite not being able to drink anything Owen didn’t mind going to the pub with Spike. There was always a chance of a game on the telly and it got them out of the Hub for a bit. 

“Do you think Ianto is going to fuck John before he kills him?” Owen said.

“I hope so,” Spike said, “necrophilia is seriously overrated.”

Owen snorted. “Don’t think either of us should be talking about necrophilia.”

“Two animated corpses are enough for any team,” Spike agreed. “And it would only be worth killing him if we were guaranteed to shut him the hell up.”

“What the fuck?” Owen looked at the television. On screen were scenes of panic in the Plass with people running wildly from a well-dressed man holding a crazy looking sceptre.

“Couldn’t I just have one beer?” Spike said plaintively as Owen’s phone rang.

“Yeah we noticed,” Owen said into the phone, “we’re on our way you stay in the Hub Tosh. She’s on her own right now dealing with a hacker, the other’s got called out to chase down a damn blowfish they’re on their way back,” he added to Spike. “Got your communicator?”

“Just bloody great,” Spike said fitting it over his ear.

“I am Loki of Asgard and I have been burdened with a glorious purpose,” Loki was proclaiming to the kneeling crowd as he walked toward the old man who had refused to kneel.

“Yeah, maybe not,” Spike interrupted flanking him with Owen.

Loki’s eyes narrowed and he spun the sceptre like a staff. Spike dodged the swing and grabbed the end to leverage a flying kick that pushed Loki back in a stumble. 

“Who are you?” Loki glared at Spike.

“The guys who are going to stop you,” Spike said.

“You are strong,” Loki said spinning the sceptre in one hand, “not many on this pathetic rock could send me back even a step.” He flicked the tip out to rest on Spike’s chest.

Spike stared at the tip and then at Loki. “Supposed to do something is it?”

“What are you?” Loki demanded.

“Torchwood,” Owen repeated jumping onto Loki’s back, “and we’ve dealt with worse than a leather fashion victim with bad hair.”

Loki knocked Spike back with the sceptre and flipped Owen over his shoulder. “Then you are who I am looking for,” he said placing the tip of the sceptre over Owen’s heart. When nothing happened again he lifted it up and shook it slightly in confusion before placing it back on Owen’s chest.

“Performance issues?” Owen said with a smirk just as Spike kicked Loki’s legs out from under him.

Loki rolled away and the crowd in the Plass took the opportunity to flee giving Spike and Owen a chance to regroup.

“He’s strong,” Spike said, “barely moved him.”

“Alien or demon?” Owen asked.

“Alien. Doesn’t smell of any demon I know. What’s the bet Jack’s met and fucked him before?”

“Highly likely, Jack always manages to find the good looking crazy ones.”

“You will bow before me and I will save this pathetic rock from itself.” Loki strode toward them.

“Yeah how about no,” Owen replied pulling his gun out.

“You interest me,” Loki said, “but you will be of more use with a beating heart.” He cast a beam of green light that engulfed Owen before either of them could move. Owen collapsed and Spike knocked Loki back to step in front of Owen. 

Loki moved back to where another man was standing near the fountain holding a box. “Just one moment,” he said to Spike politely.

“Down there,” Clint said to Loki indicating a flagstone.

Loki pointed the sceptre at the flagstone and activated the lift mechanism.

“How the hell did he know it was there?” Spike said helping Owen to stand.

“What the hell did he do to me?” Owen said grabbing his hand in pain.

“Your heart’s beating,” Spike said in shock, “but we haven’t got time for that right now. Tosh is down there on her own.”

“Shit. I’ll go for the tourist entrance,” Owen said, “you take the shortcut and hold them off.”

“Thanks,” Spike said and he leapt into the hole left by the slowly descending lift while Owen ran as fast as he could for the tourist entrance given his suddenly alive body trying to cope with the delayed trauma of his original death and subsequent misuse.

“Barton,” Loki directed Clint at Tosh as he leapt off the lift platform to face off against Spike who had bounced and swung down the lift supports to intercept them.

Tosh squeaked and backed up as Clint approached his bright blue eyes focussed on her with intent. He put down the box he was carrying and Tosh took the opportunity to throw a chair at him so she could dart away for her gun. He dodged and kicked the gun out of her hand only to be spun around by a shot to the shoulder as Owen ran in firing.

At the same time Spike and Loki were kicking and punching their way around the main floor, landing blows that would have killed a human. When the shot rang out everything stopped briefly and Loki took the opportunity to throw Spike against a wall. Tosh took advantage as well kicking Clint hard in the jaw.

Three more shots thudded into Loki as he moved on Spike. From the slowly descending lift Jack, Ianto and Gwen were crouched guns pointing at Loki who shook off the bullets. Loki smiled and raised his hands sceptre held loosely and non-threateningly.

“I don’t know who you are or how you knew how to get in,” Jack said, “but we don’t appreciate unexpected visitors. You didn’t give us a chance to clean up or anything.”

“I am Loki of Asgard,” Loki replied, “your little group interest me but I do not have time to play right now.”

Suddenly there were a dozen Loki figures and the team spun around trying to establish which one was real.

“Behind you Jack,” Spike called out just as that Loki plunged the sceptre through Jack’s back.

Loki pulled the gore dripping sceptre out of Jack and spun around to block Spike’s enraged attack. Chaos reigned as Jack’s body fell to the ground. A red and gold blur plummeted through followed by two other figures. Clint had staggered up from Tosh’s kick only to be knocked unconscious by a casual backhand from John on his way past to pounce on the box Clint had put down.

Loki spun to face the new threats; Iron Man landed next to the box to stop John from reaching it, Natasha lunged at the demon faced Spike while Captain America flung his shield at Loki.

“Don’t open that,” Iron Man’s metallic tones warned John but too late.

“Hello beautiful,” John said as the glowing blue cube was revealed.

A humming noise rose from the water clad pillar in the middle of the space and a golden glow reached for the Tesseract. A burst of blue light from the cube reached up to the gold and there was an explosion of purple white that knocked everyone to the ground.

In the white noise aftermath Loki scrabbled for his sceptre that had been knocked out of his grasp in the explosion only to find Jack’s hand around the shaft.

“Pretty powerful stuff you’ve got in here,” Jack gasped, “put the cube away John,” he added.

“Good idea,” John said, “damn thing is giving me a headache.” He shut the lid of the box and everyone sagged with relief.

Loki leapt to his feet only to be faced with six guns, repulsor gloves, shield and vampire. Jack stood slowly leaning on the sceptre for support.

“What is this place?” Loki demanded, “It is filled with the undead.”

“Not really,” Jack replied, “we’re just lucky. Ianto could you grab a containment for this,” he shook the sceptre, “we don’t need any more mind control.” He tried to pull the gem free without success.

Loki looked at him for a long moment and then leaned against a wall in surrender.

“Who are all you people?” Gwen demanded.

“At first glance I’d hazard Iron Man, Captain America and the Black Widow. The unconscious one is possibly Hawkeye and I would suggest that Loki of Asgard there is the Loki of Norse legend as much as Thor is,” Ianto said as he headed up the stairs

“Thor,” both Jack and John hummed their appreciation and Owen rolled his eyes.

“Well identified,” Tony said retracting his mask, “we know you’re Torchwood but that doesn’t really answer anything.”

“We’re classified,” Jack answered and Tony snorted.

“Are you really Captain America?” Tosh asked and Steve nodded.

“Pretty fucking spry for a ninety year old,” Owen said, “if you’re the real one.”

“Some of us moisturise,” Jack said.

“Jack, Jack Harkness?” Steve said. “How is that possible, we just saw you die?”

“You just saw me stabbed,” Jack said, “not for the first time if you remember.”

“I’d say it was impossible but I’ve seen a lot of impossible recently,” Steve said. “Good to see you Captain.”

“You’re not the only one,” Jack offered his hand to Steve who shook it happily. “Good to see you too Captain, it was a shock when you went down.”

“The more important question,” Tony interrupted, “is who is responsible for your incredibly sexy firewalls.”

“That would be me,” Tosh said, “you’re Tony Stark,” she added. “Were you the one trying to hack us earlier? Mainframe got quite excited.”

“We absolutely have to set our systems up on a play date,” Tony said.

“That was your AI?” Tosh breathed her face alight with excitement. “I’ve read about him. I’m Tosh.”

“Toshiko Sato?” Tony said. “I’ve read some of your papers and may I say how impressed and turned on I was with your maths.” Tosh blushed and stuttered.

“Owen,” Spike moved over to Owen, “your heart is beating.”

“And my hand bloody hurts,” Owen complained only to be shut up by Spike kissing him soundly.

“How?” Gwen asked.

“Loki here tried some mumbo jumbo with his stick,” Spike said, “didn’t work on me either but he must have decided to rescind Owen’s zombie status to try again.”

“What are you to resist Loki’s mind control?” Natasha said.

“Special,” Spike replied shortly as Owen looked at him in shock.

A groan from Clint distracted her. He rolled over and attempted to stand. “What the hell?” 

Natasha stared intently into his eyes and then relaxed. “You’ve just had Loki knocked out of your brain,” she said.

“Okay,” Clint said looking around. He got to his feet and launched himself at Loki. He got one swing in before Steve and Spike pulled him back. Loki just stood there smirking waiting for the chaos to ease.

“For bringing Owen back to life I have to thank you,” Jack said, “but now I’m going to lock you up, no offence.”

“None taken,” Loki replied, “you can’t hold me however.”

“We’ll see,” Ianto said as he returned and tossed something at Loki’s feet surrounding him with a shimmering force field. 

Loki pushed at the field and then pounded at it in a rage.

“Looks like we can,” John said with a smirk.

“No,” Jack said, “just no.” and John pouted.

“Thank you for stopping Loki,” Steve said, “we’ll take it from here.”

“No you won’t,” Owen replied.

“We caught him, we keep him,” John said still staring hungrily at Loki who glared at him.

“That’s not how it works,” Tony said.

Jack’s grip on the sceptre tightened as tensions increased. Ianto clicked open the long case he was carrying and Jack thrust the sceptre inside.

“Anyone fancy pizza?” Jack said as the case closed around it. “Looks like we’ve got a lot to talk about.” He eyed up Steve.

“Oh god yes,” Owen said enthusiastically. “Lots of pizza.”

“One thing first,” Spike said, “and don’t forget to order my onion,” he added before pulling Owen in for another kiss.

“Oh,” Steve blushed and looked away as Spike grabbed Owen’s crotch.

“Don’t be so surprised,” Spike purred.

“I’m not,” Owen replied, “just glad it wasn’t just me.”

“I like these people,” Tony said.

END (I think)


End file.
